The mind is a house you can’t escape. You live in your own head, and you’ll be trapped there for the rest of your life.
We all react to this in different ways. You can:
Leave the house for a while.
Drinking lets you open the door and wander around in your front yard.
Meditation lets you make the walls transparent, so you can pretend the house isn’t there.
LSD lets you climb up on the roof for a helicopter tour. But if things go wrong, you punch a hole in the roof and it leaks until you patch it up.
I’ve known people whose happiest moment was the first time they left — it helped them understand that the house was, in fact, a house.
Get roommates.
You can fill your house with replicas of other people.
Some people live with their friends. Some live with their parents. Some live with Jesus.
Some people have really accurate replicas. Others have weird broken versions that love them less and judge them more. I once spent several days being yelled at by a replica of my favorite professor, until I met her in person and realized I’d drawn her eyebrows way too angry.
Some people have houses so crowded that they have to squeeze around people to go anywhere; they might not even have their own rooms.
Roommates can be fun. And sometimes, someone really needs the space — like your kids, or your spouse. But you own the house. Your roommates don’t pay rent. If they trash the place, or insult the host, you can kick them out.
Open the windows.
You can’t escape the house, but you can look outside. Travel opens windows. So does meeting new people. As you create more views, you may feel less cramped inside your house, or learn to appreciate how cozy it is.
Perspective-taking is looking through your window into someone else’s house. If you concentrate, you might be able to walk around inside.
Decorate.
The most compelling reason to get a good education is that it makes the inside of your head an interesting place to spend the rest of your life.
—Judith Shapiro
If you look at art for a while, it might show up on your walls. If you read, you’ll get a mental library. By exploring new fields or philosophies, you can build entire rooms.
Decorating can be addictive. If you spend all your time shelving books and buying art (my weakness), you may find your house a bit stuffy and quiet. I wish I had more roommates.
Learn to keep your house in order.
Window stuck? Roommates won’t leave? Try becoming a better housekeeper.
When I get more sleep, I have an easier time decorating, and I stop tripping over that one broken step.
When I stick to my gratitude journal, the lights seem brighter.
Therapy offers tools: A rag and oil to get the window moving, a lock to keep the roommates out of your space.
But housekeeping alone doesn’t make a home. I’ve known people whose houses were incredibly tidy, but barely decorated; they were dusting empty shelves and wiping white walls.
Every single person has a house
I try to remember that everyone has a house.
If someone is an asshole, something might be wrong with their house: mean relatives who won’t leave, a backed-up disposal filling the place with foul odors.
This doesn’t mean you have to help them clean — though you can if you want to. It doesn’t mean you can’t shun them, or put them in actual prison if they hurt someone. But you can feel whatever sympathy seems right, and enjoy knowing that your own house doesn’t smell like garbage.
If someone has a mental illness, something is definitely wrong with their house. Maybe the lights are dim, and there aren’t any windows to let the sun inside. Maybe there’s a radio they can’t turn off, even to sleep. Maybe they have a violent roommate who routinely trashes the place. Whatever’s happening, they can’t escape.
Some people are trapped in burning houses; we should put the fires out, even if they don’t want help.